How To Clean The Chimney. How To Clean Baby's Teeth
How To Clean The Chimney
- The part of such a structure that extends above the roof
- A vertical channel or pipe that conducts smoke and combustion gases up from a fire or furnace and typically through the roof of a building
- a vertical flue that provides a path through which smoke from a fire is carried away through the wall or roof of a building
- A chimney is a structure for venting hot flue gases or smoke from a boiler, stove, furnace or fireplace to the outside atmosphere.
- A how-to or a how to is an informal, often short, description of how to accomplish some specific task. A how-to is usually meant to help non-experts, may leave out details that are only important to experts, and may also be greatly simplified from an overall discussion of the topic.
- Practical advice on a particular subject; that gives advice or instruction on a particular topic
- Providing detailed and practical advice
- (How To’s) Multi-Speed Animations
- Make (something or someone) free of dirt, marks, or mess, esp. by washing, wiping, or brushing
- Remove the innards of (fish or poultry) prior to cooking
- free from dirt or impurities; or having clean habits; "children with clean shining faces"; "clean white shirts"; "clean dishes"; "a spotlessly clean house"; "cats are clean animals"
- make clean by removing dirt, filth, or unwanted substances from; "Clean the stove!"; "The dentist cleaned my teeth"
- clean and jerk: a weightlift in which the barbell is lifted to shoulder height and then jerked overhead
An older Jewish woman from Brooklyn goes in search of a famous guru. She takes a plane to India and then a boat up a river, and then hikes into the mountains with local guides. All in all it takes her months of hardship to track down this guru. When she finds him he is in the middle of some kind of ritual which lasts for days and the guru's many followers won't let her see him. Eventually she reaches the hallowed portals. There she is told firmly that due to the long lines she can only say EIGHT words to the guru. "Fine", she says. She is ushered into the inner sanctum where the wise guru is seated, ready to bestow spiritual blessings upon his eager initiates. Just before she reaches his throne she is once again reminded: "Remember, just EIGHT words." Finally the guru is ready to receive visitors and calls for the woman to be admitted. She stands before the famous guru. "Bernie" she says, "it's your mother, time to come home!"
"Rabbi," the man said, "Please explain the Talmud to me."
"Very well," he said. "First, I will ask you a question. If two men climb up a chimney and one comes out dirty, and one comes out clean, which one washes himself?" "The dirty one," answers the man. "No. They look at each other and the dirty man thinks he is clean and the clean man thinks he is dirty, therefore, the clean man washes himself.
"Now, another question. If two men climb up a chimney and one comes out dirty, and one comes out clean, which one washes himself?"
The man smiles and says, "You just told me, Rabbi. The man who is clean washes himself because he thinks he is dirty." "No," says the Rabbi. "If they each look at themselves, the clean man knows he doesn't have to wash himself, so the dirty man washes himself.
"Now, one more question. If two men climb up a chimney and one comes out dirty, and one comes out clean, which one washes himself?"
"I don't know, Rabbi. Depending on your point of view, it could be either one." Again the Rabbi says, "No. If two men climb up a chimney, how could one man remain clean? They both are dirty, and they both wash themselves."
The confused man said, "Rabbi, you asked me the same question three times and you gave me three different answers. Is this some kind of a joke?" "This is not a joke, my son. This is Talmud."
A rabbi and his two friends, a priest and a minister, played poker for small stakes once a week. The only problem was that they lived in a very conservative blue-law town. The sheriff raided their game and took all three before the local judge.
After listening to the sheriff's story, the judge sternly inquired of the priest: "Were you gambling, Father?" The priest looked toward heaven, whispered, "Oh, Lord, forgive me!" and then said aloud: "No, your honor, I was not gambling."
"Were you gambling, Reverend?" the judge asked the minister. The minister repeated the priest's actions and said, "No, your honor, I was not."
Turning to the third clergyman, the judge asked: "Were you gambling, Rabbi?" The rabbi eyed him coolly and replied "With whom?"
A young rabbi was very fond of playing golf. Every chance he would get, he would steal away to the golf course and shoot a couple of rounds. One year, on Yom Kippur, the Holiest day of the year, a day of Prayer and Fasting, he just couldn't help himself. He had such a desire to play that day, and knowing that the course would be fairly empty, he decided to finish the morning service and sneak off for a few quick rounds. As God looked down on the rabbi, one of his assistants gasped in horror. "My Lord, how will you punish this Rabbi for this horrible transgression?", he asked. "Watch and you shall see", said God. He pointed his finger toward the Rabbi, and lo and behold, the Rabbi shot a hole in one! God's assistant was astonished. "Is this what you call punishment?", he asked. "Watch again." was the response. And the finger of the almighty pointed toward the rabbi, and once again, a hole in one! "I am afraid I don't understand.", the puzzled assistant exclaimed. "What kind of punishment is this, allowing him to shoot the best game of his life?" God looked the young assistant in the eye and said "So- who's he gonna tell?"
The story is told of 4 older Jewish ladies who enjoyed getting together in each others homes. "My son," says Mrs. Levi, "is a Physicist and heads up a department at the University. Her friends nodded approvingly. "My son," says Mrs. Greenberg, "is a Doctor and is Chief of Surgery at Mt. Sinai Hospital". You must be so proud, they said. "My son," says Mrs. Goldblatt, "is the head of a law firm and president of the bar association". Again, nods a
The Dog's Guide To A Happy Christmas...
Barney thought he'd give some advice to Flickr doggies on how to cope with their humans during Christmas, and how to maximise their own enjoyment at this time of year! Hope it helps :)
1. Humans tend to overeat at Christmas, it's bad for them. Help them by eating overlooked food. Do NOT get caught, your good intentions won't be appreciated. Don't eat the turkey, they will notice... Missing food is to be blamed on the cat, or small child.
2. Prolonged TV watching equally detrimental to health (especially with the awful stuff on at Christmas). Try throwing a ball at them. If that fails, bring them their leash and attach it to their hand. Hiding the remote control may work. Don't eat it. Plastic's tasty but you'll spend Christmas at the vets.
3. Humans are silly at this time of year. They may dress you up in Santa outfits, put pretend reindeer antlers on your head, or wrap you in tinsel for "photos". You could protest at this treatment as an affront to your dignity, however, I find cooperating brings more biscuits!
4. Your humans may have lots of relatives visiting. The more flighty and nervous 2-legs can find this stressful and fights may occur. Split up arguments simply by looking cute, or by using the handy distraction technique of stealing shoes, purses or the remote control.
5. NEVER bite the 2-leg relatives! While your human might be snarling and barking at their relative, they won't appreciate you directly intervening. It won't make things better.
6. Small children are a dog's best friend. Sit by them at dinner - as their canine attendant, you'll get a tasty snack. You can also lick their hands and faces clean after a meal but be sneaky about that cause grown-ups think it's unpleasant for some reason.
7. Whatever you do, do NOT, ever, under any circumstances pee up the Christmas tree in your house - the humans really HATE that! The chocolate hung from the branches is fair game. Sneakiness is key. If caught, deny everything and blame the small child - you know they'd do the same to you if the situation was reversed!
8. Insist on your daily walk. It is your right. Even if it is snowing. You may need to encourage a reluctant 2-legged who has both overeaten and watched terrible TV 6 hours straight. Barking usually wakes them, as does bouncing up and down at them repeatedly.
9. Now is the time for to sit you human down and remind them how wonderfully well behaved you've been the last year... Toys, doggy biscuits and bones will be coming your way on 25th December! Don't bring up that bed you destroyed in March, the shoes you chewed up in June, or that time you ran off to go roll in the nice foxy perfume in the woods last month.
10. Finally, be nice to Father Christmas. He's a funny guy, coming down the chimney in the middle of the night. Normally you'd want to bark at someone like that, but he brings the human children presents. If you're lucky he might have something for you too!
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